while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
tonight lets celebrate not being married
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
