remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
this boner is exhausting
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize
