So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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