I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
