All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
