Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
