Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
