omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
