The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
