my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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