this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
