Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
