You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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