So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
