i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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