drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
