My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
If that was your dad, he is hot
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I am available for nakedness
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Randomize
