Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
