It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
