i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
