Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
