just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
