Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
splinters make it hard to masturbate
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
