I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
