...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
