i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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