Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
