so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
