In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
So here I am, sexting at work.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
