My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Randomize
