there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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