Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I want a musical about memes.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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