I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
