Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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