I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
