what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
