When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
