can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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