What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
