Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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