whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
