She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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