JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
