just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
