dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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