I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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