I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
