You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
