I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
