He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
