How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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