their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
