I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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