Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
