I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
The Olympian is in my bed
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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