dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
