At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
