just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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