At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
