it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
There's even glitter on my cock...
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