I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
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