So drunk its hurt
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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