I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize