sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
i think my cat just said my name.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Randomize
