haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
