grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
