k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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