This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
