I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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