I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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