I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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