I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
